Trust and Understanding
by Mosquito
Summary: Part four in the series. Sequal to part 3: Red's birthday.


Title: Trust and Understanding

Author: Mosquito

Pairing: Willow/ Spike, Xander/Anya

Category: UST, songfic, friendship, romance

Summary: Spike takes Willow and Ronan to Indiana, and Willow gets kidnapped by the council Part 4 in the series:

1.Paralysed

2. Coming back

3. Red's Birthday

Dedication: To Anthony and Katja, the best cousins a gal like me could have!

Note: The song used is 'Feygele' ('little bird') by The Klezmer Conservatory Band

'Red, luv, where are you?' Willow heard Spike through their telepathic connection and smiled.

Willow looked up at the blue sky and imagined the shapes being made. 'Under the Indiana sky," she replied.

'See any interesting shapes?'

'I think I saw a moose head.' Willow heard Spike chuckle. She smiled looking up at the shape. 'What are you doing?'

'I'm lying in a very cold bed. I couldn't hear your heart around the house and I got worried.'

'I'll be home soon.'

'Take your time.' Spike said and then seemed to drift back to sleep.

Willow lay in the grass content. Her head rested on her arm and she closed her eyes to better feel the sun beating on her skin.

They'd been at her parents' house in Indiana for a week. With another week to go, Willow was relaxing and spending time with the two major men in her life. Spike, who had felt a little cooped up the first few days and was beginning to get restless for his fast paced club, had calmed down. He'd taken to reading Willow's finished report on his life and making corrections. He'd even suggested stylistic additions and corrected grammar and spelling. If willow hadn't believed he had been a poet before, she certainly did now.

Ronan had started writing his first fiction novel. Willow had thought he'd write about vampires just to set the record straight, but when he'd finally confided his plot, Willow had been pleased to hear that he was writing a crime novel. From what he'd told her, it would be incredibly gruesome, and Willow supposed he was taking out the violence he missed in real life out on paper.

Willow had taken to long walks, reclaiming the parts of her childhood she missed. She hadn't heard from her parents in two months, since her birthday, and it was unlikely that she would hear from them soon. Xander and Any were visiting Xander's family in Montana and wouldn't be back until the day before school. Giles was still in Sunnydale, fighting the good fight, while the slayer and her best friend (and only friend), the prom queen, were in Greece training. Willow looked up at the clouds and felt sorry for him. Maybe they should have asked him to come along. He needed a holiday.

Picking up her things Willow began the walk back to the house. She passed the caretaker's house and got some cookies and a glass of water. Refreshed she continued back to her vampires.

Ronan was on the couch writing away furiously and Spike was still in bed. Willow went to her backpack and began pulling out a university guide. She began by listing the universities she was interested in, followed by how much they cost and what major she wasn't to do there. Then she listed important pieces of information for applying. She was so focused that she hadn't noticed Spike come into the room and lean over her shoulder too see what she was doing. "Hi, sleepyhead." She said kissing him.

"Hello, luv. What you doing?"

"Looking at universities, and where to apply to."

"Where can you get into?"

"With my grades? Anywhere in the US and Canada." She said holding back a 'but'.

Spike however knew it was there. "But..."

"But I don't want to go anywhere in I have to leave you behind." Willow said not noticing Ronan get up from the couch and come sit at the table with them.

"Spike and I have talked, Will," Ronan joined the conversation. "We'll go anywhere you want to. If you decide to go to Harvard, then we'll relocate. MIT, then we'll move to Boston."

"I hear the vampire underground has improved there." Spike said obviously thinking about the past.

"Oxford?" Willow asked in a small voice. "It'll be hard to get in without connections, but I'd like to go there."

Both vampires were silent. They probably hadn't thought that she'd have wanted to go there. "Wow. Home." Ronan said.

"I don't have to, Ro," Willow said quickly. "It was just a thought. I'd like to go there, but I'd be happy anywhere, even UC Sunnydale."

"No, luv, you wouldn't. Plus Oxford is great. At least it was when I was there."

"You were at Oxford, Spike?"

"I read English." He answered.

"Spike, you do realise that I've finished writing my report on you, and you neglected to mention it earlier."

"Purposely I assure you."

"I have no doubt."

Ronan cut them off. "Willow, I'm sure we can find someone to help. Maybe Giles knows someone on the council."

"We'll see. I have the UCAS application form and the separate one for Oxford. I'll fill it out and send them when I get home." Willow sat there looking at the application in order to fill it in. It was a little overwhelming. She'd always wanted to study in the academically prestigious campus, where the brightest of the bright came together to accumulate knowledge for a better- 'sod that.' Willow thought.

She heard Spike chuckle at the use of his expression. "Spike?"

"Yeah luv?"

"You haven't been home to England to live in over a century. Do you really want to go back?"

"Luv, going home isn't unappealing. The club can run itself, but we'd have to go back to Sunnydale once a year to make sure it's doing alright."

"Well, then I'd get to come back to see Xander, Giles and Anya." Willow said, but then looked at Ronan. "What about you, Ro?"

She watched Ronan smile and say: "I think a carrier change is in order. Maybe a full-time writer, or maybe I'll go back and study- night courses of coarse."

"Of coarse," Willow said seriously silly.

"Maybe I'll finish that paper I was working on before Dalton sired me."

"Wouldn't you have to go to Prague?"

"Oh yeah, scratch that. Maybe next century, if someone hasn't stolen my idea by then."

"Obviously."

"Maybe I'll go work for the council."

Willow watched Spike reach over and slap the back of Ronan's head. "You're just being silly now, Childe."

"Well, you never know, sire. Stranger things have happened."

"Yeah. You. Whose ever hear of a vampire that's allergic to human blood?"

"Like you should talk, dad. Who's ever head of a soulless and normal healthy vampire giving up hunting for love?"

"I'll show you to laugh at me, you twit." Spike said and lunged at Ronan. They rolled on the floor wrestling while Willow watched in a fit of laughter. Then all of a sudden both noticed her and pulled her down to them tickling the breath out of her. All three lay on the floor exhausted. Willow scooted up to Spike allowing him to envelope her in his arms. She gave him a chaste kiss and then looked over at Ronan who was on the verge of falling asleep on the floor.

"I'll start dinner, if you get Ro into bed. Sleeping one the floor can't be comfortable."

"Luv, Vampires can sleep anywhere. We don't need a bed."

"Well, will you at least get him off the floor so that I don't trip over him?" Willow asked sweetly.

"That I can do." Spike answered and then with a kiss and a groan, got up and helped Willow up.

Dinner consisted of Macaroni and tomato sauce for Willow. For Spike and Ronan it was Macaroni and blood. Willow had learned quickly that substituting and putting blood was a sure way for her to get them to eat along at dinnertime. Plus, they seemed to like it.

After dinner Willow and Spike took a walk, while Ronan stayed home to work on his novel. Their favourite passed time was to go to Willow's favourite field and look up at the stars.

Spike had never taken much time in the study of star constellations, but Willow knew them all, and the stories behind them: The big bear, Cassiopeia, The hunter, etc. She knew them all.

Willow loved talking stars. She and Xander had spent a lot of time under the stars. Soon though, Willow grew tired and they headed back to the house.

Spike woke up feeling that Willow was gone. This was becoming a regular occurrence, not one he was sure he liked. Then he heard laughing from the living room. Grabbing his pants he went to investigate. In front of the TV was his redhead laughing at Wile E. Coyote being outsmarted by the roadrunner. Spike smiled and went to sit next to her.

"Hi!" She said really perky.

"'Ello Red. What are you doing up?" He pulled her against him and licked the marks on her neck.

"I got hungry." She said chuckling as a 1000kg anvil flattened the coyote.

"Why didn't you wake me?"

"You were too cute to wake up." She reached for his head and kissed him. "Plus, I can make a bowl of Frosted Flakes without you."

"And now you have a sugar high." He smirked.

"Kinda." She answered and laughed as the coyote's next attempt was thwarted and he landed up falling off a cliff.

Her laughs were so loud that they brought Ronan into the living room. "It's too early for so much noise, what are you doing?" The younger vampire was still in a daze of sleep.

"It's already eleven-thirty, and I'm watching Saturday morning cartoons." Willow said looking back at him now that the commercials were on.

Ronan looked at her as if she had sprouted another head. Both Willow and Spike chuckled.

"She ate frosted flakes this morning."

Ronan groaned as if that explained everything. "Those are mine. I only brought one box."

"Whoops!" Willow giggled at the TV as the coyote fell into his own trap while testing it.

"Whoops?" Ronan asked heading over to the box. "You finished it?"

"What?" Willow asked looking back. "No I didn't finish it. There's a lot left." Then went back to the coyote's last attempt. "Now look what you made me do, Ro!" She pouted, "I missed the last attempt!"

Spike shook his head in amusement, realising a fight was about to break out. "Red, luv, why don't you go and take a shower and then go for a walk."

The sugar had gotten to Willow, because before he knew it, she had yelled at him saying that she could take a hint when she wasn't wanted and walked in her pyjamas the only place she could not be followed by both men- outside.

Spike sighed. With the sun up he was helpless to try and follow her.

"Now what?" Ronan asked.

"You go back to bed. I'll wait here for her. She'll probably walk around the house a couple times and then come back in."

But four hours later she hadn't retuned and both vampires were scared of what that meant. Willow's mind wasn't open to a connection. So Spike felt really lost. "What's she doing out there by herself? What if she's left me? Where could she be?" Neither vampire ate, too concerned about the petite redhead to be hungry. Spike had taken to pacing and Ronan had started cleaning things up. Then he'd sat down to try to write. By the time the sun was going down both were at the point of almost explosion, as they wanted to exit the house and search for Willow.

At the most earliest point possible they both burst out the door. Ronan took a quick jog around the land while Spike went to visit the neighbours. The caretaker and his wife had seen her around lunch, giving her some clothes to wear. Spike hoped that she had headed to her favourite spot and fallen asleep. However, Willow was nowhere to be found.

Panicked he returned to the house. Ronan wasn't back yet, so Spike picked up the phone and called Giles. Just as Giles answered Ronan entered with a shake of his head indicating that he hadn't found her either.

"Hello?"

"Giles, it's Spike-"

"Spike! I'm so relieved that you called. I got word this morning from a friend at the council that there's an extraction team being sent to kidnap you and Willow. They know about the bond."

"Giles, we can't find her." Spike said in defeat.

"Oh, no. I fear they've already got her... I'd start by looking into neighbouring towns. Go to the bars and ask around- British men and bars and all.

"Right." Spike said looking up at his childe. "We'll call you in the morning."

"Good luck, Spike. Get her back safely."

"I will, watcher." He said, and then added to himself: 'I love her too much to do otherwise,' "Find out how they know, Giles."

"I will." The man in most likely tweed replied, and then put down the phone.

Spike looked at Ronan and explained what was going on. They strategised for a moment then left the house. Ronan headed to tour the pubs and Spike to look into the hotels.

One moment Willow had been walking to her favourite spot and the next she was tied to a wooden chair with a migraine, which originated from being hit in the head. Other than that she knew nothing. The room she was in was dark. She'd been kidnapped. Again. 'But by whom? Why? Do they have Spike and Ro too? Who's gonna get me out of here?'

'Spike?' She called. 'Spike?' There was no answer. 'Where are you?' She almost started crying with fear when she remembered what Spike had told her when she'd been with Angelus. "Scream and fight all you want, just don't cry." She wasn't going to.

There was nothing to do but sit and wait. Wanting to chase the fear away she began humming to herself and then singing a song she remembered her nanny and mother singing to her when she was little.

Feygele, oy feygele, _(Little bird, oh little bird)_

Ven du kumst tsu mayn fensterl oy zing nit mer _(When you come to my window, oh sing no more)_

Feygele, oy feygele, _(Little bird, oh little bird)_

Oyt mayn hartz oy iz mir azoy shver _(Oh my heart is so heavy)_

Du kenst libn veymen dayn hartz bagert._ (You can love whomever your heart desires)_

Ikh lib oykh nor mayn libe vert geshtert_ (I love also, but my love is forbidden to me)_

Feygele, oy feygele, _(So little bird, oh little bird)_

Ven du kumst tzu mayn fenster oy zing nit mer _(When you come to my window, oh sing no more)_

Azoy vi in a kholem zey ikh atzind. _(As if in a dream I see it now)_

Di gliklekhe teg ven ikh bin geveyn nokh a kind. _(The happy days when I was a child)_

Ot zey ikh dem taten _(I see my father)_

Ot sey ikh der mamen. _(I see my mother)_

Dos stuub vi mayn viegele iz geshtaten _(The house where my cradle stood)_

Ot zey ikh dem kloyster _(I see the little church)_

Dos taykhl vos roysht un es shtoyst unzer milekhl. _(The rushing stream which powers our mill)_

Un mashka dem shukhen zritst baym breg dort aleyn. _(And Mashak the neighbours daughter sits by the water's edge alone)_

Un zingt a lid fun libe mit a shtiln geveyn _(And sings a love sone with a quiet cry)_

Ikh ken zikh itst klor dermonen _(I can remember it clearly even now)_

Kh'hob ir lidl nit farshtanen _(I didn't understand her song)_

Ikh bin dayn geveyn nokh tzu yung, (_I was still too young)_

Nor haynt punkt vi mashka ikh zing: _(But today like Mashka I sing)_

Feygele, oy feygele, _(Little bird, oh little bird)_

Ven du kumst tsu mayn fensterl oy zing nit mer _(When you come to my window, oh sing no more)_

Feygele, oy feygele, _(Little bird, oh little bird)_

Oyt mayn hartz oy iz mir azoy shver _(Oh my heart is so heavy)_

Du kenst libn veymen dayn hartz bagert._ (You can love whomever your heart desires)_

Ikh lib oykh nor mayn libe vert geshtert_ (I love also, but my love is forbidden to me)_

Feygele, oy feygele, _(So little bird, oh little bird)_

Ven du kumst tzu mayn fenster oy zing nit mer _(When you come to my window, oh sing no more)_

She missed Spike. He was her forbidden fruit that she would never have enough of. Had he noticed that something was wrong? Or did he still think she was having a tantrum? Willow wished she hadn't had that bowl of frosted flakes. Sugar and Willow was a bad combination, just like coffee and Willow. After this, Spike and Ro would definitely keep an eye on her sugar uptake. Perhaps that was for the best anyway.

'Spike?' She tried to reach him, but couldn't. A touch depressed she sat in the room looking into the darkness. Maybe if she slept it would be over sooner. With that in mind she closed her eyes.

She woke up hours later to an open room door. Still tied to the chair she was helpless to move when two men walked in smiling.

"Good morning, Miss Rosenberg." The British accent was thick when he spoke, automatically giving away where he came from and whom he worked for. "As you may have guessed we work for the Council of watchers."

"What do you want?" Willow asked sternly.

"It has come to our attention that you are not only in a relationship with William the Bloody, but that you have telepathic means by which to contact him. Is this true?"

Willow didn't answer.

"We know it is. Our source is reliable. As soon as we capture the vampire we will move both of you to England for the tests."

'Catch Spike,' Willow thought, 'Oh, don't come Spike.' She feared for him as much as herself.

"Would you like some food or water?"

Willow didn't answer.

"Suit yourself." The English man said and left.

Willow wanted to cry but kept Spike's resonate voice in her head. Then the wheels started turning in her mind as Willow began thinking about who could have told the council. Who knew and hated her and Spike enough to do such a think?

"Buffy."

Dawn had come and Spike and Ronan had been forced to take shelter. Sitting in the room they had gotten in a hotel in one of the neighbouring towns. Ronan lay with his eyes closed on one of their beds. Spike sat with his back to the headboard of the other. In his hand he had the picture of the four-year-old birthday willow and one taken on her birthday that year.

He couldn't imagine his unlife without his spitfire. At the moment he was getting a glimpse of what he was like without her, and he didn't like himself. Okay, he'd become soft, he owned up to himself, but he'd finished with the harshness. Just like a good wine he'd changed over the century becoming more robust and full. If he were any fuller with love for his Red he would have burst. However, each morning he woke up next to her he found his potential for loving and doing well by her expand.

"Sire, try and sleep." Ronan's voice pulled his eyes off the photos.

"I can't. Not until I have her back. When I find her those wankers will be nothing more than fodder."

Ronan sighed. "Why don't you call Giles, maybe he's done better?"

Spike immediately picked up the phone and made the call.

"Hello?"

"It's Spike. Do you know anything?"

"Well, they're not supposed to leave without you, so they're there somewhere." There was a pause and then Giles continued. "I know who told them."

"Who?!" Spike demanded.

"Buffy."

"I'll kill the Slayer when I get back." Spike said plainly and angrily.

"She's already dead. She was killed in Greece this morning. Cordelia called and the council confirmed it."

"Stupid bint." Spike said. "Will you be there when we get back?"

"I don't know. There is a lot happening in London. There is even talk of a turnover. If I'm not here I'll leave my contact information in your mailbox or e-mail."

Spike thought for a moment and then said. "Watcher, Willow wants to go to Oxford for university."

"I'll see what I can do, Spike. Are you gonna go with her?"

"Giles," Spike rubbed his face, "after this I'm never letting her out of my sight."

"Which is impossible. You should teach her to defend herself."

"Oh, I plan to. Soon. I'll call you when I have her."

"Bye Spike. Happy hunting."

When Spike put down the phone he found that he was a little surprised to have Giles' approval to feed off and kill the people that had Willow.

"What did Giles say?" Ronan asked.

"Slayer's dead. Ran into something in Greece."

"Willow's gonna miss Giles."

"Yeah, she is." Spike said missing Willow even more. What if they were doing something to her? Torturing her or something just as heinous?

"Try and sleep, Spike." His childe urged again. "Willow wouldn't be happy to hear that you stayed up torturing yourself."

'He's right.' Spike thought. Attempting to go to sleep Spike tried calling out to Willow as he had been doing most of the day. 'Red, where are you?'

This time when Willow fell asleep she dreamed of Firey Red. Things were up and swinging as always, and as she sat at their table and was welcomed by Cole, Willow felt at home. She sipped her coke and listened to the music.

She knew she was dreaming and that everybody there was a figment of her imagination. But she felt safe and happy here. She saw one of the guards standing in the corner and motioned him to her. "Have you seen Spike?" She asked.

The guard- John, if she remembered correctly- looked at her as if to say no, but was then tapped on the shoulder with Spike standing behind him. "John, have you seen- Red!" He yelled seeing her.

Willow's eyes grew wide and she launched herself into his arms. "Spike! She kissed his face.

Spike who seemed as glad to see her, as she was to see him caught her lips with his. "Oh, Willow, are you okay?"

"I am now." She replied.

"That's not what I mean."

"I'm fine. I'm tied to a wooden chair, if that's what you mean, but I'm alive, well, and a little hungry. Otherwise good." They sat down in the booth as close to each other as was physically possible, hands entwined. "How are you?"

"I'm fine. I've been worrying about you though. Ronan's worried too but he's handling it better than I am."

"Are you feeding?"

"Don't worry about me, Red. Worry about the watchers that'll be my supper."

For some reason Willow didn't seem to be all that worried about Spike feeding on them. She couldn't bring herself to care. However, she might feel that now, she knew that when the time came her thoughts would be very different.

"So, why Firey Red?" Spike asked referring to the dreamscape.

"I suppose I don't feel safe in Indiana anymore."

Spike nodded.

"Has Giles told you anything about the council?" Willow asked.

Spike sighed. He had hoped to refrain from telling her about Buffy until they were really together again. "Giles found out who told them."

"Buffy." Willow said sadly with no hesitation. The look on Spike's face confirmed it. "I told Buffy about it not long after I'd killed Angelus. Plus, she and Cordelia are the only two that hate us enough to do something like that. Only Buffy has a connection to the council out of the two of them." Willow explained. "What are you going to do to her?"

"Nothing." Spike said.

"Nothing?"

"I called Giles today," he paused, "A new slayer's been called."

The words were computed in Willow's brain. "When?" She asked softly.

"This morning."

"How?"

"A nasty of some sort." Spike didn't hear Willow reply and called to her. "Willow?"

"Cordelia?"

"I didn't ask." Spike said as he felt the sundown come. "I have to go Willow. Sun's going down."

"Come find me, Spike?" She asked tearing.

"Always," and with a kiss he was gone.

Spike jumped out of bed as soon as the sun went down. He was energised from his dream with Willow.

'Willow?' He called, but there was no answer. 'She must still be asleep.'

"Ronan!" Spike yelled not seeing his childe. He saw Ronan run out of the bathroom. "Yeah?!"

"We're close. We shared a dream, so we have to be close. Check the pub again."

"Sure thing, Sire." He put his shirt on and headed out the door.

Spiked watched him go and made a note to show him how much he appreciated him during this trying time. 'Spike?' He heard Willow's voice.

'I'm here, luv.'

He heard her sigh and say, 'I was scared it was ALL just a dream.'

'Don't worry. Ronan went to the pub to see if he could find some information.'

'They don't go to the pub. They buy the drinks at a convenience store or something and then bring it back here to drink.

"Oh, sod!"

'Don't swear, Spike."

'Sorry, luv.' He thought sheepishly. He heard Willow giggle and smiled. 'I'll go and see about that store, okay?'

'Kay. Keep the channel open though?' her voice scared and childlike.

''Coarse, Red.' Spike said and stepped out the door.

Just his luck there was only one convenience store in the town and just as he headed there he saw two men in tweed. 'Stupid watchers, they're wearing tweed in the middle of Indiana. Who are they trying to fool?' Willow giggled.

Running after them, but keeping a safe distance, Spike watched as they entered a somewhat abandoned looking house. Looking in the windows Spike counted how many there were. Six. The room they sat in was littered with weaponry: Stakes, swords, daggers, crossbows, etc. A vampire waling into it was suicidal.

But they wouldn't kill him. Couldn't. They needed Spike and Willow for the experiments. Spike walked around the house, and at the back, on the first floor (Second for Americans) he saw a boarded up window. Willow had to be there. He had looked around for something to climb up with but there was nothing.

'Willow, are there any spells you know that could be useful?'

'Well,' she began a little sarcastically, 'I could levitate something in this empty room and I could give you back your soul-'

'No thanks. Kinda happy the way I am,' Spike said looking back at the captors.

'Don't have an Orb of Thessula with me anyway'

'Thank goodness for that. So, no on the spells?'

'No.'

'Okay.' Spike said and then burst through the window in the room with the captors.

"William the-" One of the captors tried to yell in surprise before Spike sunk his teeth into him and drank quickly, his other hand ripping his throat.

Another watcher began to attack Spike, but before he could reach the vampire, Ronan, who had snuck into the house to aid Spike, easily broke his neck. With a nod to Spike, Spike allowed his childe to take over for him while he went upstairs to look for his mate. Just as he headed up the stairs he saw the four left over watchers surround Ronan and then attack him simultaneously. Spike thought Ronan would be able to hold his own for the moment, what he didn't see was the watchers tazering him and Ronan fall to the floor out like a light.

It was quiet downstairs. She wondered what had gone on and who had won. Just then the door creaked open and Spike slipped in. "Spike."

"Yeah. Ronan's downstairs and I don't know how well he's holding up." She watched him unbind her and help her stand. She staggered for a moment, but soon got her balance and the two started heading down.

Spike walked in front protectively. He was heading down the stairs when two watchers and an unconscious Ronan came into view. The watchers yelled and within moments they had received reinforcements from elsewhere in the house. Spike changed his features and growled. He attacked the watchers ripping them limb for limb.

Willow watched in horror as her lover killed the men. The scene was making her feel ill and the sight and smell of blood was all too much. She ran passed it and headed outside. The fresh air helped, bit the images would not leave. When Spike came out with Ronan slung fireman style and asked if she was okay, Willow didn't answer. She merely followed him back to their hotel. While Spike attended to his childe, Willow made sure to sit in a chair as far away from his as possible.

'Maybe I'm like Cordelia. Able to forget that they're vampires.' She frowned. 'I shouldn't be scared of him- them, but then why am I?' She turned in her chair and nodded off.

After taking care of his childe he fell asleep.

Spike had been dreaming of his time in world war one. It was one of his fondest memories: bodies laying everywhere, meals ready and waiting, fear just pouring out of them. The violence- it was every vampire's wet dream.

He and Drusilla were walking through Flanders Field with Darla and Angel in tow. The souled vampire had come back saying that he could still be bad assed. Spike wasn't so sure.

Drusilla was dancing between the bodies. She'd taken a coat and a hat from one of the bodies and had put them on. She looked so lovely in the middle. She giggled like a girl and danced circles around him, stopping every now and then for a kiss. How he loved his black princess.

Then in the distance Spike saw a figure standing. Looking to get the meal before the others saw it he quickly headed over to the hunched up body. The mop of red hair seemed familiar and he smiled at the thought of fresh blood without the gunpowder residue. "A nummy treat was left behind for me, innit?"

At hearing the voice her face automatically came into view and Spike saw Willow with tears flowing down her cheeks looking up at him. Fear radiated off of her, and no matter how much he loved the smell, on her it was unwanted, wrong.

This was a dream he had never intended to share with her. He knew that she'd not be able to handle it, and that she was too innocent and pure for her to see. But just as soon as he reached down for her cheek she was gone. Sadly he looked at where she had been: between the corpses of the Belgian and German soldiers. For the first time he took a good look at the fallen men all around him. Most were barely men. The youthfulness on their dead faces made him realise what he had done. He had killed the innocence that he'd loved so much. He'd raped her with his dreams and wept for what Angelus would have deemed the ultimate kill.

To say that Willow was afraid to sleep was an understatement. Usually she would just block her mind from his, but she was too weak, and the gruelling images she had just seen haunted her to no end.

She looked at the clock on the wall. It was almost sunrise. Opening the door to the patio she walked out making sure no light got in. She sat on the plastic lounging chair to watch the sunrise. In a couple of years she would no longer get to see the blends of dark blue, pink, and orange. Going out during the day would be impossible. Spike would turn her one-day, she knew. They'd have Giles do a restoration spell for her soul and she, Spike and Ro would be together forever. But she didn't want fields of corpses, or Spike feeding? He'd been bagging it during the trip, but Willow knew that in Sunnydale he occasionally hunted and fed. She'd turned a blind eye, saying that he needed it, because he was after all a vampire. Now, though, she wasn't so sure.

The sun rose in the sky and Willow was awed by the beauty of god's creation. She heard a bird chirp as the living world began to wake from their slumber.

Willow, however, was on the brink of falling asleep. It took all her leftover power just to keep her eyes from shutting. The pictures behind them were too fresh. Willow could hear Spike's new dream in her head. 'I'll kill you slayer, for hurting my red.'

Willow sighed. How she missed the old Buffy and wished she were here. She missed Xander and Anya too. She'd have to talk with Anya when she got home. Having been a demon, Anya could explain certain things about Spike. Why he did certain things and such.

Not being able to keep her eyes open she fell asleep. Her last thoughts being that at least she was in the sun and she was safe.

Spike's dream had changed. He looked at the former slayer who stood cockily across from him. They'd already gone three rounds and were buzzing with energy. She had the potential to beat him this time. In a white t-shirt and baggy overalls she stood posed to strike with a stake in her hand.

"I see your slut finally arrived." She said and Spike quickly turned his head to see Red standing behind him with her arms wrapped around herself.

"Don't worry, luv." He said, now knowing that not only could he not let the slayer win, he couldn't either. As awful as she was to his Red, Willow had forgiven her and killing the slayer in front of his love would hurt her deeply.

When the slayer finally attacked Spike had changed to defence manoeuvres, but found that she was soon gaining the upper hand. He then switched to offensive trying to subdue her. It wasn't the easiest way to fight her, but it was definitely the only way to keep them both alive.

Kick.

Block.

Punch. Kick.

Block. Uppercut.

Flip. Kick.

Duck.

The fight went on for what seemed like hours. Both fighters were down to the last bits of their energy. 'Give it up, Slayer.' Spike thought. He knew he couldn't keep up for much longer.

Then all of a sudden she seemed to get tougher, stronger. Her moves were faster and to target. He tried keeping from her assault, bit it was useless. Eventually she had him on the grass. Flat on his back, straddling him with a stake poised at his heart.

Time for thinking was over and Spike reacted with expert hands as the slayer fell on top of him neck broken.

The gasp that came from the sidelines reminded him that Willow had been watching, and he mentally kicked himself for what had happened. He pushed the body off him and walked over to his goddess who was on her knees sobbing into her hands. "Luv?" He began wrapping his arms around her. She pushed back as if burned, causing Spike to look at her funnily. "Luv?" He reached out.

"Don't touch me." She said scared.

Spike could feel the waves of fear radiating off of her. "Willow..."

"Don't." She said, holding up her hand in emphasis. "You killed her, Spike. You killer her, just like the watchers. You killed them too."

"I had no choice. The slayer would have killed me and the watchers wouldn't have stopped hunting us down until they had us. Luv, I'd do anything to protect you and to keep us together. If that means killing a slayer or some soddin' watchers, then so be it." His grip in her arm was tight, and Spike released it when he saw the anguish on her face. The fear that radiated off of her was in itself frightening- that he could cause such fear in her. He never wanted her to fear him ever again. Such a time was over. "Willow," he said softly, but she turned away.

"Go away, Spike," her voice soft and shaky. He could smell the soft tears.

"Willow, please."

"I'm afraid of you, Spike. I love you, bit I'm afraid of you. It won't work if we're not equal on some level."

"That's not- we're-"

"We're not equal. Until you turn me, we wont be." Spike opened his mouth to counter argue but Willow cut him off. "I don't want you to turn me yet. It's just that I can't live in fear of you. What if one day you take too much while we're making love? Or are you gonna kill every man that touches me? How about my friends if they get you mad?"

"Willow, you're being-"

"Realistic, love." She said looking sadly into his eyes. "I'm afraid that it'll happen. Please, just leave. I need to be alone for a while. I need to think."

Spike lowered his head and looked at the ground, the blood tears threatening to spill. He felt Willow's slender fingers on his chin and looked up. "I love you, Spike. Don't ever doubt that. I'm not leaving you, I just need to figure out a way so that I wont be scared. Do you understand?" She asked her had cupping his cheek. Boyishly he nodded. He watched her lean over and kiss him. Spike devoured her lips in fear that it would be the last time he could. Eventually though he knew that Willow would run out of oxygen and would need to take a breath. When she did her lips parted and Spike almost cried at the loss he felt to his lips, heart, and soul. He felt empty.

As she walked away from him, Spike could smell rabbit blood and knew that he was waking up. Sunnydale and the dead slayer faded to be replaced by the motel room they were staying at. Spike blinked a couple of times and saw Ronan making what looked like breakfast. Feeling cold under his covers he realised that his better half wasn't sleeping next to him. "Where's Red?" He asked his childe.

"She's sleeping on the balcony. I woke and saw her leave."

'Damn.' Spike thought. With it being sun out it looked like he was stuck without her until she came in. She wanted space and now had it. He sighed and took the mug that Ronan handed him.

Willow was still sitting on the balcony when the sun rose. After waking up she'd spent a lot of time thinking about vampire and mal behaviours. As she watched the dawn settle, she finally allowed her eyes to close again, hoping that Spike hadn't gone to sleep.

Her unconscious brought her into a large hall with a lounge in one corner. She took a seat and admired the decorating, which seemed to her to be in the style of the Prussians.

"Ah, you, my child, must be Willow."

Turning in her chair, Willow saw a vision of beauty standing before her. Her gown fell in long tresses, layer upon layer, drooping and pleated- all in white. On her head she wore an ornamented helmet that gave her an all out ora of grand stature, importance.

"Who are you?" Willow asked blinded by light and beauty.

"I am Athena, though I have gone by many other names such as Minerva and Frigg."

"Oh, Goddess," The redhead said in awe.

"My child, you are troubled. You seek something to put your mind at rest."

"Oh, Goddess," She cried, "My love is a Vampire. He is soulless and evil but he is also loving and gentle. Although he's killed so many people- slayers, watchers, and innocents, he is so concerned when it comes to me, and he loves me with all his heart. Recently, though, I saw him kill with my very own eyes. I don't know how to balance the two in my own conscience."

"Why are you with such a vile and unclean creature? You are so pure."

"I love him. But is that enough? I feel such fear for him. I cannot be with him if this is so."

"Child, a marriage of two people, however the union will be, has a lot to do with acceptance. Id your love is as evil as he claims to be, then to love him, to be with him, means you must accept him. All of him. You yourself know that nothing must come in halves. Love, lust, passion, and forgiveness are all among that which must take you fully. If they don't then they are no more than a lie. True, love must blind, true passion must devour, consuming lust must ache and pure forgiveness must release. Otherwise we are all but forsaken."

"I have all that, goddess, and so much more. I love him with all my heart, but I don't know how to accept the horrors he has been responsible for."

"Do you know of his horrors?" the divine being asked.

"Yes," Willow said. She'd written them up in the report to Giles objectively, trying and succeeding in detaching the kills from her Spike.

"Do you also know of his triumphs?" Willow was then asked.

"Triumphs? No."

"Your vampire is special. He always was, even when he was human." Willow watched the goddess move her hand and saw how their surroundings changed to that of Victorian England: a parlour to be precise. In a chair sat an elderly lady looking into the fire. In her lap lay an open book, forgotten and replaced by the allure of the flames in the hearth.

"Where are we?" Willow asked but the woman next to her shushed her. Behind Willow a heavy door opened and closed, and when she turned around she encountered William Thropford.

She gasped at his appearance, having never seen, thought, or even considered him in the clothing of his own time. His hair was long and tied up, the spectacles he wore cure if not a little nerdish. "Ah, mother," his accent rich, "How are you this fine evening?"

"Oh, heavens, William, where have you been?"

"After school I went to call upon Cicely. Her brother, Henry, was kind enough to invite me for an early supper and I dared not decline on the inkling that I might perchance encounter my goddess. She is the most divine." He took a seat at her feet, laying his head on the elder woman's lap.

"Oh, my poor boy," Willow watched as the lady stroked his hair. "When will you ever learn that you deserve a higher prize than her?" She sighed. "William what would your students think if they came to know of how you partake your time away from teaching them?"

"Teaching?" Willow said surprised.

"Teaching." The Goddess agreed. "Your love used to teach at Eaton House The Manor."

In awe Willow watched the two sit in silence. She smiled looking at her Spike.

"Come," Athena said, "Let me show you more." With another wave of her hand the scene changed and Willow saw Paris. Notre Dame to be precise. Then out of the corner of her eye, she saw Drusilla and Spike walk in her direction.

Spike had his usual swagger and Drusilla in her long flowing dress walked sensually along side him. "Spike," she whined, "can't I eat youngen and trout?"

"Luv, the last time we ate us an orphanage, you complained to Darla for weeks on how they'd been too sweet for you. Furthermore, Dru, fish don't have blood. Well, not blood that we can enjoy." He pulled her flush against him and devoured her lips.

Willow watched in compassion, disgust, and a twinge of jealousy. It wasn't until Athena spike that she was pulled away from her thoughts. "Do you know why I showed you this?" The goddess asked.

"To show his compassion?" Willow suggested.

"Partially. As a human William loved children and that didn't change when he became a creature of the night. Look at the woman he spent over a century with. At times she was no more than a child trapped in a woman's body. She became the child he would never have." She paused and looked at the couple. "After this conversation Spike woke up to find Dru gone. She'd entered an orphanage before dawn and had left that evening with slaughtered bodies everywhere. She'd killed everyone, from the youngest child to the oldest caretaker. When Spike found out the next night, he'd picked her up, locked her in a room for a week and placed an anonymous call to the police to clean it up. He'd also gone to the morgue and cemetery to dust any of the children that had been turned. He never forgave his princess for that."

Willow looked at her love wide-eyed. She'd never suspected that. Of coarse, she too was barely more than a child, but Spike had always treated her as an equal and had never in all their conversations mentioned children or orphans. But then something else occurred to her: "What about the watchers he killed today, or the slayers he's killed in the past?"

The goddess looked at her with an understanding smile. "Let's start with China, Her hand moved and willow found herself in the middle of the boxer rebellion. Id it wasn't for her dire need to understand her vampire, she would have thought it the most interactive history lesson ever.

In front of her were Darla and Angel. "That's the vampire with a soul." Athena pointed to Angel. Willow nodded. Then she saw Spike and Drusilla walk up and tell them of the slayer he'd killed.

"I guess that makes ye one of us now." Angel mumbled and Spike proudly smiled.

"Belonging," Athena said. "He always wanted to belong, but didn't. Cicely, the woman we heard of earlier didn't want him. Then after that stunt in Paris, Dru wouldn't touch him, claiming he'd gone soft. The Chinese slayer was all about acceptance." She waved her arm again and then the background changed to Manhattan. "The slayer in New York," she said, "had to do with revenge."

Willow watched as Drusilla walked through Central Park by herself. Out of nowhere, out jumped a tallish African American woman that ran at the Vampiress with a stake. Her skill was almost flawless, and Drusilla was obviously no match. However, before Dru could be staked, Spike toppled her off of Dru and began fighting the slayer at full strength.

"Slayer!" He yelled, "You'll die for trying to kill my mate!" Eventually the slayer retreated and Spike went to take care of the vampiress

"So, that's why he killed her?" Willow asked.

"Partially. Also as any slayer has, this slayer began to hunt down both vampires."

Willow nodded understanding. "And the watchers?" She wanted to be able to reason his actions in her mind. Lonely without him, she wanted the nightmare to end.

The redhead once again saw the surroundings blur and the house where she'd been held captive came before her eyes. Heart pounding at the notion of being back, she felt fear rip through her by the memories of being held hostage.

"I want you to see what happened before you came down." Willow watched Spike fight the watcher and then she watched Ronan fight and be tazered. By the end of it, Willow felt like she wanted to rip organs out of the watchers herself. However, what Willow hadn't noticed the first time and could now see was that a watcher had a stake to Ronan's heart and was about to dust him when Spike flew in for the carnage. True to his word, family had come first.

Willow smiled, finally understanding. She realised that he wasn't really afraid of him, never had been, but that she was scared of herself not minding. She'd always mind, she knew, but that still allowed her to love him. He was her other side- balancing her out.

"Do you realise now, child?" Athena asked.

"Yes, goddess. My eyes have been opened." Willow replied.

"Then may they always see truth." The goddess said and then handed a flask to Willow. "For you to give William what he always wanted. Use it wisely."

Wide-eyed Willow thanked the woman, and only after she left did Willow wake up.

Spike paced the room waiting for the setting sun. Willow was still out there, and they had a lot to discuss.

All of a sudden, she burst into the room and flung herself into his arms. A little curious, but not complaining he held her close to him as possible. Any closer would have prohibited her from breathing.

"Oh, Spike." Willow said, her face still in his chest, "I'm sorry."

"Sorry, luv? For what? If anything, I should be apologising." Spike kissed her forehead and held her tighter.

"I didn't understand everything and I shut you out. I should have talked to you."

"Red, you were scared. It's understandable."

"But I should have trusted you and I didn't. I'm so sorry, Spike, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. I love you and I'm as much responsible as you are. My dreams are so dark and I let you see them. I was such an evil man- I still am."

"You may be," Willow looked into his eyes, "but even the most evil deserved to be loved. Especially former poetry writing English teachers who love children." She smirked.

At first Spike didn't get it, but then his eyes widened. 'Oh, god, she knows.'

"Of coarse I know. Athena showed me and helped me understand."

"Understand what?"

"Why you're so loveable. Why I love you."

Then all of a sudden they heard Ronan speak. "Glad you too finally made up. Now, we need to go. The sun's set, it's Saturday and I have to be back at work the day after tomorrow. The paper has to keep going. Let's head back to the house and get our things."

A little aggravated at being interrupted, a little angry with Ronan, and very glad to be back together and alive, Spike and Willow nodded, following Ronan out.

End


End file.
